Mindful Monday: How to Heal by Embracing Our Brokenness

How to Heal by Embracing Our BrokennessI turned 38 yesterday and my greatest gift was one that I gave to myself. It’s the opportunity to continue to re-write my story. To un-knot my chains. It’s a rebirth of sorts. One that I aim to offer myself daily with compassion and love. A surrender to my brokenness that is coupled with gratitude. Gratitude for each day which offers me the chance to gently pick up the pieces and, one by one, put them back together in a more authentic and loving way. You see, three years ago, on my 35th birthday, my body gave me a wake-up call. An array of random symptoms that included stomach troubles, nephropathy, migraines, joint pain, vision issues and all around fatigue. This led me on a difficult year long journey that ended with a diagnosis of Chronic Lyme a few days before my 36th birthday. I spent that year frenetically jumping from doctor to doctor, trying EVERYTHING I could to beat this disease. Trying to will it away with determination. Then, the stress of it all along with the high-dose antibiotic protocol I had been on for a year, landed me in the emergency room the eve of my 37th birthday. Sadly, I said hello to my 37th year in a hospital gown feeling helpless and broken. It was defeating to say the least. I hit rock bottom. But, the good thing about being that broken is that the only way out is up. I was ready to surrender to my brokenness and to give myself the chance to rebuild.

So here I am. It’s been another year. I have surrendered to my illness as well as my flaws and I’m learning that less is more. I am healing. Slowly. I am learning that slow is good. Slow and patient is necessary. What a revelation that has been for this frenetic, fast-paced girl. I can’t control everything. “Head down, grit it out” only made me more sick.

Healing from the Brokenness RM Drake

When A Burden Becomes a Gift

When I was diagnosed with Lyme I chose to believe that this was gifted to me for a reason. That I had lessons to learn from the experience and when I learned the lessons I would be free of it – literally or metaphorically. Oh, the lessons I have learned and continue to learn. I am not free of this quite yet but the progress I have made is awesome. I never imagined I could feel immense gratitude for something that has and likely will be one of the greatest challenges of my life.

Once I allowed myself to truly surrender, to dive deep, I realized that my symptoms were signs. They were my bodies way of communicating with me. Clearly, I was not listening for a really long time.

In hindsight I realize that this is so sad. I was mistreating my body and my soul. It was begging to be heard and loved and I did not prioritize it. I did not prioritize myself.

Listen, Your Body is Speaking

It’s easy to ignore the messages. Life is so demanding and fast paced. This is why it is so important to say YES to stillness. To embrace the silence. I avoided the silence for a really long time because I was scared to listen. I knew it would be painful. This is why one of my Top 5 Intentions for the New Year is to welcome silence. When I choose stillness it is so healing. I cry often as there are so many wounds that need tending to. Wounds that were ignored for too long.

The Knotted Chain

My stomach is literally in knots and that makes sense when you think about it. The knots represent small moments of trouble as well as years of fear, guilt, shame, anger, sadness and more. We all have them. Individually tour knots may seem small but, after years they grow tighter and they build up until it feels impossible to unwind them. It’s like the thin gold chain you had as a child. It’s been tossed around, year after year. You happen upon it’s worn and torn case and open it, surprised to find that it’s knotted up in many places. You fumble with it for a moment, hoping you can quickly unwind it but you know that the damage is done. The only way to revive that chain, to loosen the knots, is patience and relaxation. It will take time.

I ignored my chain then I fought with it. I tried to will it loose and the knots became tighter.

So now, one by one, I am tending to them. I am breathing. I am being patient. I am being gentle and loving and little by the little, my chain is coming undone. I am healing and you can too.

In the stillness, the brokenness, I can feel the light pouring in.

Namaste,

Katie

How To Heal Embracing Our Brokenness | Chronic Lyme Jounrey, Surrender, Finding Graitude in Illness

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36 thoughts on “Mindful Monday: How to Heal by Embracing Our Brokenness

  1. We’ve been friends for almost two decades and I am hearing a voice I’ve never heard before. I like this voice…it suits you. Keep climbing, dear friend.

  2. Katie, I read your article and am so happy that the “knots” of your life are starting to unwind.
    Have a Happy Birthday and stay well–you are the best gymnast that I have had the pleasure of knowing.

  3. Love this story! Brought tears to my eyes from someone who has fought Crohn’s for 25 years. It hit me gard because it is so very TRUE! God Bless you on your journey to s healthier you.

  4. Katie,

    This was such an inspiring post! I am also committed to being more gentle, patient and loving with myself. Thank you for sharing.

  5. Thanks for sharing, Katie! You are a beauty inside & out! Happy belated birthday 🙂 and I am so glad you aren’t spending it in a hospital and are able to share this positive message with the world! We all need to hear this… especially me 😉
    xo

  6. Happy birthday Katie. It’s probably been 25 years since we’ve been in touch. I follow and LOVE your blog. To many of us retired gymnasts, control was everything and was helpful in many ways. But learning to relinquish it too, at times, is equally important. My mantra on many days: “I’m taking control by letting go!” Thank you for sharing!

    1. Thank you for commenting and for getting “in touch”. Wow! I am thrilled. What an awesome mantra! It is so true, we are definitely unlearning behaviors that have been ingrained in us for SO LONG. Thank you for sharing and for following along. That means the world to me!

    1. Many, many thanks and right back at you. Peace comes from the surrender to that which we cannot control. Few of us live without challenge. You too are remarkable. It is all as it was meant to be. XO

  7. Katie!! Never never doubt how extraordinary you are. You changed my life forever. I was blessed to meet you and be inspired by you. When every the crazy of life overwhelms me I think of you Katie!!!
    I stop Breath and reflect all the goodness of life around me.. I realize how lucky and greatful I am for all.
    Katie this is because of YOU and how you touched me that day and forever!
    Katie you are blessed with many gifts, and you share them with us to make our lives as blessed as can be.
    I think of you everyday , so keep on , take good care of yourself we all need you,
    Thanks foe being you!!
    You are the best!!

    1. Peg, THANK YOU. This brought tears to my eyes. i am humbled by your words. it is my honor to spend time with all of you as you too, touch my life in a truly powerful way. i am forever blessed for knowing you. With love and light– be well!

  8. You are incredible Katie! This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for being so open and sharing those words <3

    Happy Birthday!

  9. You are such an inspiration Katie. You are beautiful and authentic to the core. I love following you – find so much inspiration and alignment in your words – and I can’t wait for our paths to recross in person. Thank you for your openness, your vulnerability, and sharing the light that you are.
    Much love,
    Kelly

  10. Katie, wow! You make us so proud.
    It’s a lot for me to grasp but I will need to read it over and over for me to join you in your experience but I will try darn hard. We have been there together in so many ways and you have always had the ways to try and make me better. I love you

  11. Hi katie— I had no idea you were so sick — I wish you all good things and get well. You are such a wonderful talented person. I would like more info on your Bali trip. Sounds interesting. Love Charlotte blankfield

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